already approved. nothing to prove.

Sweaty hands. Burnt red face. Heart racing. Slave to my own thoughts. What will they think? What if I say something dumb? What if they laugh? What if they don’t understand? I used to dread public speaking and any type of attention from my peers. Being seen and exposed meant inevitable vulnerability to embarrassments and opportunities for hurt and doubt to enter in through my deepest fear…”I’m not good enough.”

Growing up, I lived in a constant state of paralysis. Frozen by the fear of what others thought of me. Worried that I wouldn’t fit in or be accepted if people really knew the authentic me. I spent a lot of time assuming the assumptions that others had of me. I was the shy, quiet girl who wouldn’t even raise her hand to ask a question in class for fear of looking dumb or being made fun of. I hid behind the people closest to me, hoping to just slip through the crowd and make it through another day. On the inside my true self was begging to be released. 

I felt trapped inside of a cycle of fear, regret, and disappointment in myself. I had believed the lies that the devil was imparting to me through the doubts that clouded my identity in Christ. I held on to so many regrets of not speaking up for someone who was being gossiped about or not taking action on something I knew the Spirit was prompting me to do for fear that I wouldn’t be accepted or approved. I was disappointed with myself and ashamed that I couldn’t follow through in pairing action with my faith. 

Attending a Christian school my whole life almost made it harder to live wholeheartedly what I believed. Bible class, chapel, and prayer were a part of the daily school structure, but speaking about God and convictions from the Spirit with peers felt impossible at times because I was labeled a “goody two shoes” and brushed aside because I was truly trying to stand firm in my convictions and beliefs which often jaded what was considered “fun” or “acceptable”. My confidence and courage to share what I believed and to do what was right didn’t align with my deeply rooted convictions.

Approval is often based on a set of standards or expectations that have been established by human ideas of success and acceptance. Disapproval can be devastating, discouraging, and down right painful. Reaching the standards for approval can lead to a lot of strife and exhaustion. That feeling of never measuring up or being “good enough” can strip the soul of strength and break down the structure of your identity in Christ if you let it. 

This fear of not being “good enough” or “accepted” followed me into a relationship that I thought was meant to be. I allowed myself to be vulnerable and authentic in hopes that I would be pursued and wanted. When this pursuit didn’t happen, I was crushed, disappointed, and confused. I began doubting who I was and questioning why I wasn’t “good enough” to be wanted. I longed even greater to be pursued, so I strived to prove that I was worthy of being seen, known, and cherished. This led to more disappointment because approval and acceptance were never meant to be defined by human standards and the One who set the standards already sent someone to achieve every expectation for approval. 

We can never say, or do “enough” to “be enough”. Striving to prove we are “good enough” in any situation will always leave us empty and exhausted. It’s an endless cycle of not measuring up, but we were never meant to measure up on our own.  Jesus’ life and sacrifice was the approval for our forgiveness and acceptance back into communion with God. We can’t fathom the depth and strength of His pursuit of us and His desire to be with us again. We don’t have to prove anything to Him. He already loves us and just wants our wholehearted pursuit of Him. 

Whether you are striving to be accepted or approved of by your peers, longing to be pursued in a relationship, or are just wanting to fit in, know that you don’t have to prove a thing. God already approved of you by the blood of Jesus and has accepted you by His love. We were never meant to blend into the background or meet the endless expectations of our culture. Hold on to your convictions with confidence and walk them out with courage, vulnerability, and honesty. Don’t let the fear of what others may think or say hold you back from wholeheartedly following Jesus. He is worthy of our surrender and He will free you from all fear and doubts of “not being good enough”. 

“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God?

Or am I trying to please people?

If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

Galatians 1:10

“Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved,

a worker who has no need to be ashamed,

rightly handling the word of truth.”

2 Timothy 2:15

“For it is not the one who commends himself who is approved,

but the one whom the Lord commends.”

2 Corinthians 10:18